I often realize that I start my posts with „a friend and I have been talking…“. But it’s true, like many others I do gain a lot of input from people around me.
So, a friend and I were talking the other day about family members. How you can’t choose the family you are born into, and how difficult it can be to get along. Yet, you still need to manage somehow.
She said: „They are what they are, and they are also what they are not.“ I had no idea what she meant. So she explained that what makes you who you are is not just what you are, e.g. frugal, introverted, creative, blunt, but also what you are not, e.g. conservative, romantic, outgoing, etc.
It made a little sense to me then, but it has stuck with me for a couple of weeks now, and I believe I have come to fully understand what she meant by now. It’s called Frequency Illusion or Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon when you are made aware of something for the first time, and then you start seeing it everywhere.
I realized my friend’s concept is nothing different than what I learned about hobbies and passions. You can be passionate about a lot of things, and try out as much as you can, but ultimately you might want to stick with just one, or at least with one at a time. The books Essentialism and The Happiness Project helped me to accept that there are some things I will never be, no matter how much I fantasize about them. Maybe because I don’t feel 100% passionate about them, or simply because I didn’t have the right supporting framework or circumstances, or it just doesn’t fit my personality. For example, as much as I love the idea, I doubt I will ever be a musician, an excellent alpine skier, or a surfer.
Then, a few days ago, I came across the title of the new Zeit Wissen Magazine, which says „Das Bin Ich Auch – Abgelegte Träume, nicht gegangene Wege, verlorene Menschen“, which translates to „That’s also Me – Discarded dreams, not taken paths, lost people“. I haven’t had a chance to read the article, but I am sure it goes in the same direction.
It’s a new perspective I’ve gained (thanks to my friend) throughout the last weeks, coming across similar concepts. It’s not about wanting less or deleting desires from your to-do list, it’s more about defining yourself and your borders, and accepting natural limits. Nowadays we want so many things, and almost everything seems possible. Those desires burn us out and exhaust us. But do we really want all this? Do we need to be all this in order to be ourselves? Or are we just constantly made to believe we should and could be so much more…?